I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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