I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
