His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
