sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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