And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
