Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
