The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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