So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
