That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
