Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
