3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I want you more than these girls want KFC
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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