I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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