I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
