thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
