I puked a lego.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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