I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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