FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
