I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
