I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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