i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
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