im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
