Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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