Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
