The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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