I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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