A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
