phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
