I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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