If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
