shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize