ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
