so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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