So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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