i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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