Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I can't put those talents on a resume
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
