Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
They are going to name an STD after you.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
