I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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