She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
