omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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