He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
