the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
