Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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