I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
