This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
