do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
