i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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