Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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