For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
