You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
