I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
two words...techno handjob
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
not ubering you a puppy
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
