Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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