What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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