She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
