the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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