I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
