Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
