Dual....:-)
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
