I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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