Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my shit smells like andre
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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