my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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