My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
