you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
