Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
