he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
