AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
