That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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