foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize